January 2012
3 posts
2012 got worse.
We had to put down my 12 year old lab/Rottweiler dog Satch on the 13th. I called out of work, through tears, and raced up to Mount Vernon to be with him one last time as he was euthanized. He was my baby, slept in my bed as a puppy and I loved him. There will never be another sweet boy like him.
Then Sunday my mom called me to tell me my grandma was in a coma…...
I ended 2011 by going to the hospital, getting my heart broken, and not having a single day off to process either of these things.
2012 holds promise, though. This will be a year full of books, hopefully my own as well as others. This year I will work on a career and not just a job. This year I will try to save money so I can finally see Central America.
This year I will stop being so naive...
December 2011
3 posts
I want, more than anything, something to feel good about.
Is it bad that a trip to the hospital to get seven staples in my head was the least of all the bad things that happened this week?
It seems like I am surrounded by people who look down on me. Work, love, friendship. It’s been a week full of feeling small. Maybe I deserve it, but what does it all achieve?
My head hurts. My heart...
November 2011
3 posts
October 2011
8 posts
My short term memory is shot, but I can remember the most ridiculous things from years or even decades ago, perfectly clear. I can remember the way things smelled, the sounds of people’s voices, the textures of my surroundings.
It’s strange how vividly I remember my dreams, as well. It’s almost as if their intensity drowns out every detail of my present life.
“Scan not a friend with a microscopic glass. You know his faults now let his...”
September 2011
1 post
Haven’t had an operating computer in a few months. I usually use my mom’s when I visit her but that’s rare. Today I managed to get mine to charge a little bit but it won’t seem to do it again. So I’m using (wasting?) my ten minutes til certain death to post on tumblr. I only wish I had something more interesting to say!
August 2011
2 posts
The older I get, the less I know what I want from life.
July 2011
2 posts
Red-eyed and weary, we face the ending night; Lay our heads down gently to give up the fight.
June 2011
11 posts
People who see me often have been telling me that they’ve noticed I’ve lost weight and been working out. I totally don’t see it but dang, what a confidence boost. Nice to know I’m coming back to normal from where I was last summer.
On that note I ate a delicious BLT today and tater tots from the 5 point cafe. I do not regret it.
1 tag
We built this house from the ground up, with our bare hands we laid the foundation, we should sell while the market’s still good, I never was your white picket fence. I looked over the fence into someone else’s yard, and saw the man clean the pool, the woman tend the garden, Felt envy burn almost as green as their lawn, this is hard for me to say, but I’m moving on. We could...
May 2011
11 posts
Watching an ABC Family movie made me want to not give up on my dreams, even if it was due to a barely-mentioned character development point.
So what if it ends up taking me 10 years to even finish my first book? I just know I am going to finish it someday. That’s all that matters.
Some days it’s hard to convince myself there is anything outside of my bed worth putting on pants for.
Seattle can be a really depressing place sometimes.
I still like it, though.
April 2011
14 posts
To a person I used to consider my best friend and...
I dreamt that I ran into you at a social event. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this sort of dream, but every other time ends with me waking up in tears and my heart beating a million miles a minute. In the prior dreams, you reacted to me the way I assume you will when I do inevitably see you. You were cruel, angry, upset.
Last night’s dream was different. It was a lucid...
1 tag
I dialed her old cell phone number in a frenzy to confirm what I’d seen that day; It told me the number had changed, rattling off the new one in a pace too quick for my inebriated mind. “She’s dead, she’s dead! I killed her!” I screamed into the automated operator’s voice, which only said “Please try again…”
To a dear, dear person in my life:
It’s amazing how, the same day I start worrying about your lack of reply to my text, you call me and say you were thinking about me and realized you hadn’t responded. You must have “good friend” ESP.
I'm going to start calling drinking wine "Blood...